Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
