dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize