So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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