I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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