Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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