Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize