It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
