He is an equal opportunity slut.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize