I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
