Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
