k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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