I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
