a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
