Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
