Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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