I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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