Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
