just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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