I wish I could teleport
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
