I looked at my own cervix.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
