Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
