i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize