Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize