Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
