Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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