i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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