i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
