Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
