Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
