no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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