I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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