Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
