I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
