Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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