you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just saw a hot homeless man
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
