New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
