I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
