I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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