everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
if i died would you start the facebook group?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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