Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize