So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
