All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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