And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
