all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Then you guys just all showered together...?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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