My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
