all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
