All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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