So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
