I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
