There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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