i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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