we have officially lost it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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