don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
