Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize