Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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