and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
