You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Shame - the story of my life.
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