I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
