I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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