I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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