I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
