its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
