my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Randomize
