Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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