Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
