The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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