Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
