Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
