sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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