You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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