remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
areolas are like halos for boobs.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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