you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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