if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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