Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
