tell your sister to shave her snatch
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
