I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
