I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
