worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
