dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
