ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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