i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
